Happy New Year!

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Just a few more hours until we are ringing in the New Year on the west coast. This will be my first west coast new year and I have chosen to ring it in mildly, playing cards with friends. Tomorrow, should I wake in time, I plan to hike the Golden Gate Bridge with about 300 others, I thought it sounded like a cool way to celebrate the first day of another year. It is also approx an 8 mile hike to the mid point and back and I, like many, am trying to get more healthy this year.

I have been reading a new book this week, Life in Half a Second, by Matthew Michalewicz. There really could not be a more perfect book to end the year and begin anew, as we all plan for the year ahead, resolve to change our lives and get healthy, spend more time with family, see the world, work more, work less, whatever your resolutions are.

Matt talks about the way most of us plan to do things tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. But, what would you do right now if you had only one year to live? Why are you putting it off? It is true, we wait until we are financially stable, we wait until our kids are born, or grown or out of the house or whatever the case may be. But the truth is we never know if tomorrow will come, let alone next month, next year, next decade..... Why do we constantly put off the things that mean the most to us? Why do we put our dreams aside until something else happens?

The summary of this book has been the subject of one of my other blogs which talked about aligning our lives with our goals. Maybe we should spend more time doing the things that will help us achieve the goals we want to accomplish.

For example, if one of your resolutions is to spend more time with family, first off, you need to be more specific. Do you want to have dinner with family three times per week or do you want to have a day-outing once per month? What specifically does that goal look like? I have long been a proponent of using business planning ideas to achieve personal goals and Matt goes about it in a similar manner. You need to make SMART goals Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Reachable-Timely. So, be specific about your goals and then, start breaking that up into smaller tasks that will get you there.

Skeptics often say that resolutions are too often broken soon after the new year is under way, but what if we really set reasonable goals, with a specific plan to get there, visualize what that goal looks like, meditate on that goal frequently and take steps towards that goal regularly. I think we could all be a little more successful in our resolve to change our lives if we look at them more like business and have regular meetings with ourselves (prayer, meditation, journaling) to see how we are measuring up with our plan. This has proven a successful strategy for business and successful individuals the world over. Does that TV show you are watching align with your goal? How about this blog, as much as I wouldn't want to lose you as a reader, does reading this somehow propel you on your way towards financial independence, travelling the world, losing weight, spending more time with family or whatever your goal is? Of course the goals I just listed are not specific enough to be SMART goals, but you get the idea of where I am going with it.

As we turn out the lights on 2014 and look ahead to 2015 with bright eyes and big hopes, don't just say you want to get healthy this year, say I will lose 50 pounds this year. Then break it into smaller steps like, I will eat a high fat and protein and low carb diet this month and I will do high intensity interval training once per week this month. The take the next step, make your menu plan and your grocery list for this week, set yourself up for success, put exercise on your calender, make time for yourself. If you are a priority in your own life, consider taking stock in what you are doing to make yourself a priority. If financial independence is your priority this year, does spending $3,00 a day on a latte propel you in that direction?

Matt tells a good story in his book about time and money. I think I will use the example with my kids. My son works a part time job for minimum wage and easily blows his entire paycheck in the blink of an eye. Using Matt's idea, that PS4 he just had to have, as soon as he could... would not just equate to $350, but a 40 hour work week. He will have to spend 40 hours of his life unloading trucks and helping obnoxious customers to get that PS4. Now when he looks at it this way, he really sees the value of a dollar. Understanding that he is trying to save for a car, college and his own pad, maybe that PS4 isn't so enticing anymore. Maybe it is, only he can decide.

So, as I write my last post for the year and head out to ring in the new year with friends and family, I intend to contemplate, at least for a little while what my goals really are and what would I do if this were my last year? What would you do if tomorrow were the first day of your last year? Does the year look different when you think of it that way? Just food for thought...

Happy New Year everyone!

Why we don't do the things we Love

My last post started out talking about things that I love to do and led me to realize that while they are the things that I love to do, I am not doing them. I came across this blog post about 6 reasons why we don't do the things we Love, I decided to take a look at what guest blogger ASHLEY HAUPT, from LITTLE PIECES OF ORDINARY had to say about this topic.

Here are the reasons Ashley sites in her post:

1. WE DON’T MAKE TIME

This is very interesting perspective. For those of us who have suffered from depression, we don't make time for anything! Unfortunately, we don't make time for ourselves, our families, our lives, at all. It is an ugly little secret of depression, as we hide it. But, honestly, we turn down invitations, with lies and half truths. All the while, the real truth is, we can't get out of bed. Those of us who are functioning depressives, the work week can take it all out of us. I can go to work, work hard all week, all smiles, gripping and grinning with the executives, smiling and laughing with co-workers. We get home, and if we are really good, we make dinner for our families, help with homework and other family business and then, we climb into our beds, thankful for the reprieve. However, if we are only some-what functioning, we just manage the work part and get into bed, order some take out, or eat a bowl of cold cereal and sleep, or turn on the tube. So, the truth is, we don't make time for the things we love, this may include our families and always includes ourselves. Frankly we often don't love ourselves enough to do the things we love. Depression is an ugly, ugly thing and I am going to blow the top off it, for my own recovery and for the sake of helping others. If my blog can help one person in the world know that they are not alone and they are not helpless, maybe they too can dig their way out of it, as I am attempting to do. Enough about that, let's take a look at what else Ashley has to say about why we don't do the things we love.

2. NO ONE GIVES US PERMISSION

This is another thing people with depression never do. Depression is an ugly cycle, we don't take care of the things we need to take care of, because we are lethargic, because we can't get out of bed, because we can't face the day. Then we feel guilty for being that way and we do not give ourselves permission to enjoy anything. If I can't make dinner for my kids, why on earth do I deserve to go out dancing tonight? Since happiness is what we seek, perhaps doing things we love more often would actually help us improve our outlook and help us get out of bed. Making commitments to others, to do something fun can hold us accountable and get us out of bed, even when we don't want to. So, unlike the normal person, who maybe needs to learn how to say no to somebody, take a cue from Jim Carrey and say Yes! I agreed to go to a Christmas party with my veterans service organization last weekend. I RSVPd weeks ago, maybe I was being hopeful, maybe I was just having a good day, either way, I lamented about it all day. As usual, I was in bed on Saturday afternoon, watching the time tick away. I didn't want to get up and take a shower, I didn't want to find something to wear, I didn't want to drive 1 1/2 hours to the east bay. The clock ticking away, chastising me for still being in bed... Finally, I took the first step, got out of bed, put my ass in the shower and got dressed. Once I was dressed and ready, there really wasn't any turning back now, why waste all that effort? I went to the party and I had a good time. Afterwards, I drove to the city and I had dinner and a drink with a guy I have been sort of dating. We had a fantastic evening and I didn't get home until 5 am. HA, for someone that didn't want to go out in the first place, because it was too much effort, I think physics kept in. You know that saying, a body in motion tends to stay in motion.... I had a great night. Honestly, I think the energy and regeneration I received from that night has carried me through today, Wednesday. It really does feel that way, I am recharged, re-energized for three days, from just one day doing something I love. So, from this point forward, I am going to give myself permission, if that is what's stopping me... I give myself permission to do the things I love and have some fun. It actually might help me want to get out more.

3. WE THINK TOO BIG.

At first reading, I didn't think this one applied to me at all. But, the more I thought about it the more I realized that it does apply to me. I am and have always been an all or nothing kind of girl. I want it all and I want it now. I sound like Veruca Salt... But the truth is, when it comes to cleaning my house, I never clean until it is the last minute.. I am not good at just picking up a little here and picking up a little there, when I clean, I deep clean, I even clean out my drawers, clean my closet, steam the carpets etc. If I don't have the energy to do it all, I just choose to not do any of it. Not a good attitude to have when you are depressed, because it causes another ugly cycle. I do nothing rather than all. After a couple days of nothing and living with three teenage boys, that doing nothing over time, becomes a bigger and bigger and more insurmountable task, which, with all or nothing thinking leads to even more procrastination. Then, the mess itself contributes to the problem. The chaos and the clutter of a messy house leads to more depression, more guilt and more doing nothing. It is difficult to give myself permission to go do the things I love, when my house is in disarray. So, in essence, thinking too big, or all or nothing thinking does stop me from doing things I love. Not in the way Ashley meant in her article, but in the end, it still applies. 

4. WE DON’T THINK IT MATTERS.

It is difficult to explain to someone that has never suffered from depression, how low depression takes you. You can get so low, that nothing matters... I am a functioning depressive, at least professionally. My job, I always get it done. People I work with professionally would never, ever suspect my inner life and turmoil. Depression is a secret life after all. I already talked about the guilt that comes from depression, and not getting things done, so of course, we don't think doing things we love are going to matter. Everything is painful, even the things we love. Everything take effort. Getting out of bed takes effort. So, doing something just because you love it seems almost ridiculous at certain stages of depression. In reality, as I discovered last weekend. Forcing ourselves to get out there and do something we love, feeds the soul. It is the very thing we need to recharge our battery and get us on the road to recovery. It does matter. So we need to make an effort to do the things we love, it will only help us in the long run. If forcing myself to take a shower to go to a party leads me to a great night of fun, that recharges me for half a week to follow, just imagine what doing that more often can do for my psyche.

5. IT SEEMS SELF-INDULGENT.

I am not sure how I feel about this one. I think a depressed person could fall on either end of this spectrum. Someone who is depressed thinks everything is self indulgent, but, laying in bed, lamenting about our depressed life, is pretty self indulgent to begin with. So, for this I revert to reason #4. Get up, take one step at a time, put one foot on the floor, put another foot on the floor, take that damn shower! You know, if we aren't taking care of ourselves, we aren't able to give, as an employee, a boss, a parent, a partner. So if a little bit of dancing gets me out of bed for a little while AND recharges me, feeds my soul, how can that be self indulgent? I might actually make dinner for the kids this week, instead of ramen or fast food. For me, being more self indulgent, may be the exact thing I need to do in order to be a better me, in all aspects of my life. 

6. WE DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT RECHARGES US.

Ha Ha, I promise you, that I was reading these one at a time, and writing about them as I went, so I did not know this was her 6th point. It just means my commentary on this point will be minimal. Taking care of ourselves will help us be better employees, better parents, better partners.... It is not self indulgent and it does recharge us. Since those of us who are depressed can use a damn recharge, it is urgent to get ourselves out of the comfort zone. Recharge yourself, do something good for yourself, do what you love! Take the first step, one step at a time and do something you love. If you already know you love it, it can't be that bad, right, so get the negative talk out of your head and go do it. You deserve it, the people you love deserve it to, because a little recharge and a little happiness, will take us just one baby step, but a giant leap on our way to recovery!

I didn't intend for this to be so much about depression, but when I evaluated my reasons for why I haven't done the things I love lately, my depression always seems to be the answer. So, I wanted to look at this article realistically from my true perspective, which is depression. I want to get out of this ugly cycle, so I need to tell the truth to myself.

Please be sure to stop by here and read the original article or here and visit the authors blog.

What are your thoughts, tell me what you think, what are your reasons for not doing the things you love?

Things I love

Welcome to my New Blog!

I  love to blog, its kind of like exhibitionistic journaling. I have always loved to journal and read and discuss hot topics. I have had about 22 different blogs on various topics from scrapbooking to depression to business and my life with three boys.

Instead of maintaining a bunch of different blogs, I think I finally settled on one blog for all of my various interests. Who knows how long this one will last or what direction it will take.

I decided to blog this time about things I love. I am trying to change my life a little bit, focus more on positive things, focus on getting healthy, losing weight, being a better mom. Sometimes, I don't want to put all that out there on FACEBOOK., I have not really been much of a tweeter and really prefer the long written word.

Anywho.. Things I love...

I love dancing. I mean I really really love to dance. It can be two-stepping, swing dancing, pop music - booty shaking, twerking, the works! But, my two all time favorites are swinging and salsa.

I have taken ballroom dance lessons, and were it not for the limitations of my wallet, I would probably never have stopped. Unfortunately, dance studios are business and they have their various schemes to make money and get you to take more and more lessons and I just wanted to dance, I didn't want to get broke doing it. I took lessons in Florida, when I was 19 or 20 and I loved every minute of it. I actually took out a ridiculously expensive loan to pay my way through their first program. Eventually, bills won and I had to drop out. 

Later in life, in my early thirties, newly divorced and looking to shed some baby pounds, I found my way into another dance studio in Texas. I fell in love all over again, paid for a program, took all the free lessons I could squeeze in. I competed and excelled, but once again, bills won and I had to drop out.

Now, in California, after many years in places where there weren't many places to dance, without driving for a couple hours, I am able to get moving again. Giving that I am now, trying to lose more weight, in my early forties and my kids are grown, I think it is time I rediscover one of my first loves and get dancing again.

Another one of my passions is scrapbooking. I love it because, I love pictures, I love journaling, I love creating, when you put those all together, you have tons of memories to last for a lifetime. I have an entire room full of paper, pens, scissors, stickers, flowers and other embellishments. Yep, Another expensive hobby, but it doesn't have to be, if you are creative. I Just also happen to have a shopping problem, alas, that is a blog post for another day.

Another one of my favorite things to do... Scuba dive. Now that I live in California, I need to get in the water and get my fins wet again. After living in the middle of the desert for two years, I learned to adore warm water scuba diving because all of my diving had to be done on vacations. I started in the cold Atlantic, but once I got to the warm carribean waters of Puerto Rico and Roataan, Honduras, I am not a fan of the cold water anymore. But living in Cali now, I do think it is time to get in the water again, just a few hours south and I Can be in Monterrey for some warmer water diving.

Speaking of water sports, I also love kayaking and paddle boarding but geez, my kayaks and paddle board have not left the garage since 2011 or so.. There are so many places around here to kayak, I really just need to throw the boat in the car and go!

I like so many things that I haven't done in years, I am really starting to see a trend here, It really stands out to me that I have not been doing the things that I love including camping, hiking, letterboxing, site-seeing, spontaneous road trips and all. I am not doing any of that, it really is no wonder I have been struggling so much with my depression lately. 

Ha, don't you just love how blogging can get you to the bottom of the problem. I didn't set out to solve any problems for this blog but, there it is. I wanted to blog about things I love because I have been so depressed over the past few years and I ended up realizing that one of the reasons I have been so depressed, is because I am not doing ANY of the things I love to do......